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During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not
a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient
and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the
teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. By the
way, do you want a bed near the window?" "Life without laugh is like a garden
without flowers." Mohammed Sadique You are seeing what you believe; another
way, you cannot believe what you see. Is there a green ball rotating around? Concentrate on the black "+" mark
at the center. Where those rose balls have gone? From where that green ball came? Our eyes deceive us!!?
The Best Business Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs. 10/- The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at Rs. 10/- and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further
announced that he would now buy at Rs. 20/- This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs.
25/- and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business,
his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man
has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs. 50/- ********************************* Some real funny facts you should know: A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. Coca-Cola was originally green. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history. Butterflies taste with their feet. ******************************* Why Keralites? A group of Tourist from Kerala and another group from rest of the part of the South India were taking a train to Only one of the Keralites had ticket, but each of the other group had. The other group were snickering
about this when one of the Keralite returned to the compartment and shouted, "Ticket Examiner is coming!" All of the Keralite hurried back and crammed into a restroom, and when the examiner came by, he knocked on
the door and asked, "Ticket please." The Keralite with the ticket passed it under the door, and the examiner signed it and
returned it. After the Examiner left, all the Keralites came
piling out, and the other group sat there in amazement. On the return trip the The other group decided to do the same trick, so they purchased
only one ticket amongst them.But this time, none of the Keralites had a ticket. The other group were
snickering again, when a Keralite ran in the compartment and said "Examiner is coming." All of the other group members piled into one restroom and Keralites into another. The last Keralite waited for a moment and knocked the restroom of other group and
asked,”Ticket, please." The Keralite then took the ticket and joined the rest of his companions in restroom. Teaching My nephew comes home from his first day at school. Is earth round? Teacher: Kukku, how can you prove the earth is round? Idiots in the class room "If there are any idiots in the class room, will they please
stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshboy rose to his feet. "Well teacher, actually I don't,"
said the student, "but I hate to see only you standing up there all by yourself." Stupid Principal "Isn't the principal a stupid!" said the boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. A Second Openion A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted
and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the
phone. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion."
When I was working in hospital, I used to
take my 4-year-old nephew to the hospital on Sundays. One day I took him to the
neonatal department. At the nursery, he stopped to look at a premature baby in
an incubator. Since he had been brought up the old-fashioned
way, we were surprised when, a few days later, he said: "Uncle, it's not the ghost that brings babies. We make them ourselves." Everybody was stunned by the 4-year-old boy's
words. "Who told you that?" "No one," he replied. "I saw one being made in the machine at the hospital!" Car sales man to the customer: "It is a small
car, I agree. But the payments will give you that big car feeling." During our monthly meeting at Iridium, one
of our successful but pompous MT Mr. Rohit rose to make an after-snack speech. "We
MT's," he began, "have many enemies in this institute itself." As he paused, the girl on his left side said
in a stage whisper, "Oh, but far more in the next!" Consideration A friend of mine was driving along a narrow
dusty road in the "No," said the truck driver, but you've endured
my dust this far, I'll put up with yours the rest of the way." Minister to the TV cameraman: "Can we play
that interview back so I can see if I misquoted myself?" The renowned newspaper in our state once ran
a photograph of Musharraf, the President of Pakistan, talking to Indian Prime Minister Bajpayee in Taj hotel at The caption of photograph read: "Is it peace
or war?" When Bajpayee's personal secretary showed
him the newspaper, he examined it for a few moments before asking the secretary if he would like to know what was being discussed. The secretary was very eager to know. PM Said: "President Musharraf wanted to know
the technique of Indian favorite snack Banana roast and putting Banana inside the banana roast!" Our college football team was invited into
the local League to play against our rival college in same city. The game was
remarkably free of fouls until one of our defender blatantly fouled an opposite player.
The referee blew his whistle and called foul. Back in the dressing everybody
was blaming our defender. He protested: "What do you mean? I didn’t do anything. I am innocent." "Yeah, sure!" Shouted all team members unanimously. "That is what we were all saying; you tell us why you did not!!" In a 1995 college convocation speech, Sonia Gandhi listed her four rules for success. "If
you want a career, get a job; if you want to succeed, work harder; if you want to change something, do something…..
do something different; and occasionally, listen to your mother." Her father has always given her good advice. She will never forget what he told her on her 17th birthday. "Go everywhere, See everything, and do everything you like". And
then he taught her how to say "No" in 17 languages. After a long struggle to wake up one dull
Monday morning, my friend Anuraj eventually got up and peered out of the window. "How
does the day look?" I asked. "I think it has its back to us!"
My friend replied. Advice for Free 1. Before you buy an old house with the intention of repairing it, remember that it once belonged
to someone who despaired of repairing it. 2. Before getting married, I always advice young lovers to have seen each other with at least
one bad cold. 3. Before planning to jump the gate, just check the gate whether it is opened or not. 4. A habit is like old-fashioned adhesive tape – easy to stick on, but the longer it stays
the harder it is to get off, until finally, when it's ripped off; it takes skin and all with it. So, keep away from bad habits My nephew's performance was very dull at primary
class. I told him: "Such miserable marks are worth a sound thrashing!" Nephew answered: "Good uncle, I know where
the teacher lives!" Our state sports minister recalled his first
speech to the inmates of central prison of Kerala during Independence Day. He had given a lot of thought on how he should
open. He could not say very well "Welcome" or even "I'm so glad you've come." When the moment came, he stood up and, to his terror, he heard himself saying "I'm
so glad to see that all of you are present here to celebrate our Independence Day!" When I was working in "Do you live here?" Car driver asked. My landlord cautiously said he did and then
tried to tell the tourist how to find the road back to the bridge and the highway. "But I didn’t cross any bridge," the
tourist kept protesting. Finally, our landlord drawled, "Well now,
if you didn’t come across any bridge, then you are not in When the boundary between Kerala and Tamil
Nadu was redrawn, it was discovered that the proposed line ran right through one farmer's land. The farmer was offered the option of being in Kerala or TN. After giving the matter deep thought, he advised
the boundary commissioners that he wish to be in Kerala – a decision which incensed the TNs, who explained all the advantages
of living in the T Nadu. He replied, "I agree with you, and it has
been my greatest desire to live TN. However, at my age I don’t think I
would be able to survive the TN summers, I prefer rather Kerala Monsoons!" Later Kerala dejected this farmer's wish,
as they don’t want a man with such brain!!! My friend and I planned to watch Bruce Willie's
'Sixth Sense'. We were very late for first show, so we planned to call a taxi
to the cinema. When we paid the fare, the taxi driver was scratching his back
head for tips. As we were rushing to the ticket counter, the taxi driver was
ignored. The taxi driver began to follow us, we didn’t mind. Suddenly, he shouted angrily, " In this film
Bruce Willies dies very early. He doesn’t know he is a ghost. Actually he is also a ghost throughout the film." "Now you don’t have to go to the movie",
said the one who are coming out of the cinema. "We were all sitting inside for
2 hours to watch this end." At a large fair, my family and I met an elderly
woman who was upset because she couldn’t find her car. We offered to look
for it. The women identified the car as blue, with a dent in the driver's side,
and gave part of the plate number. After a lengthy search, my brother returned
and told her that they had found a car answering that description, but it had a five-meter canoe on its top. "Oh my!" the woman exclaimed. "I forgot about that!!" Why Laughter - Still the Best Medicine? Scientists have found that laughter is a form of internal jogging that exercises the body
and stimulates the release of beneficial brain neurotransmitters and hormones. Positive outlook and laughter is actually good
for our health! Adults laugh approximately 15 times per day, while children laugh about 400 times a day!
When we grew up, somehow we lost a few hundred laughs a day. By learning to smile and laugh
again, more easily and often, we could have a profound and positive effect on our health and well-being. The new science of psychoneuroimmunology is the study of how our state of mind affects
our health. More than ever, scientific evidence suggests that laughter really is one of the best medicines. Laughter Studies! At Research on stress has shown that bad stress suppresses your immune system. Drs. Tan and
Berk wanted to find out if a form of good stress, or laughter, would improve the immune system. They studied groups of average adults and found that both arms of the immune system got
a boost out of laughter. Subjects faced a solid hour of induced merriment from videos of comedians, while a control group
sat quietly out of earshot. These doctors took blood samples at 10 minute intervals before, during and after the laughter
workout. They found that humor and exercise trigger similar physiological processes. Like conditioned
athletes, the laughter group showed increases in the good hormones --such as endorphins and neurotransmitters -- and decreased
levels of the stress hormones -- cortisol and adrenaline. Laughter is one of the body's safety valves, a counter balance to
tension. When we release that tension, the elevated levels of the body's stress hormones drop back to normal, thereby allowing
our immune systems to work more effectively. Cells which produce anti-bodies increase in number, T-cells which combat viruses are activated
and ready for battle. Our natural killer cells increase in number and activity. All this occurs as a direct result of laughter! Dr. Tan states it all quite eloquently: "All these neuro-hormones act like an orchestra,
each instrument makes a particular note. Laughter makes the entire orchestra more melodious or balanced. In other words, laughter
brings a balance to all the components of the immune system." In some clinics, scattered here and there throughout the world, laughter is beginning to
take the place of anti-depressant drugs and reduces the need for painkillers. On an interesting note: Faking laughter will also cause the body to respond as though the
laughter is real. The physiological changes we discussed that occur with real laughter will also take effect even when we
just pretend to laugh. Psychiatrist Robert Holden, who runs laughter clinics for Being unhappy or very sad can seriously damage your health. So don't worry, be happy! There is truth in the old saying: He
Who Laughs ...Lasts! |
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This is the online world of M Sadique |
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